Because Sometimes I Remember That I Have A Blog...

Image by DR000 via FlickrI know, y'all.

I'm sorry.

It has yet again been an obnoxiously long time since I have posted.

Life and its many ups-n-downs just keep rolling along, and sometimes I don't feel things are appropriate to share, cause I'm good like that and I suck like that. Which may be why y'all keep reading... I'm not easy... in more ways than one.

I'll try to catch you up... nutshell version, cause I have more to tell you than what has already been.

I'm still homeless, but I have a set place to park, and the owner is totally ok with it (SCORE!) I'm still unemployed, but have apps in EVERYWHARE! Also, the owner of where I park is interested in getting me a job with the sheriff's  department as a dispatcher (which is right up my job-history alley, so SCORE again). My daughter moved with ex-hub back to northern California and is doing brilliantly (SCORE), and my son, who is living with the Tex-ex and his new wife is doing very well also and growing-up so fast (SCORE).

OK, and now for the huge news... I met someone... online...

*pauses so my mother can stop hyperventilating and shouting at the computer because we've been here before*

...and he's awesome as far as I'm concerned, which is cool, cause I'm awesome as far as he's concerned...

Turns out, I'm so damn awesome that he's coming down here... to stay.

*tosses Mom the smelling salts*

To be honest, he was already looking at coming to Houston~ish cause our economy isn't as fucked as the rest of the country's.

But, that's all I'm willing to share here about him and all of this... for now.

As I get myself back on track and into the real world, I will expound further and more often, but for now, I'll leave you with this:

I'm Happy. Super Happy. Uber-goober Happy.

And I am well aware that this is the honeymoon phase, and I'm not giving up my goals or the future I've already been working on and planning... I'm just adding him to it... the vision I have of what my life will become.

And for now, that is all I need... and God will provide the rest.

Blessings until next time!

*sits back and waits for the phone to ring cause Mom wants ALL the dirty details*

Share

It's Not a Tuuumor

I kinda looked like this, but with better teeth.

Well, I should be doing my schoolwork but I wanted to catch y'all up... you've been so patient, because from my perspective, that last post was lifetimes ago.

Holy cats y'all. I didn't go any further. I made a decision to come back to the little ole town Texas that I used to bitch about.

I got out there and realized I really missed this quiet little place.

I know y'all are thinking I went back to the ex...

But I did try like a begging dog and got shot down not. Instead, his ex-flame from forever ago was already there before I even wrote the last post, and they got married yesterday morning.

I went kazoo.

Even though I found out about it as I was leaving church, after helping out and being all kinds of Good Child of God and such.

It wasn't even remotely pretty. I went ghetto... and by ghetto I mean I went through that house like a tornado and removed everything I bought that I could fit into my pea-sized car. I took every thing from the bed except the mattress, up to and including my revenge pillows and poured water on the bed. I found her overnight bag in the bathroom and poured water in that when I removed the shower-head. Her computer was all set up where mine used to be and to keep myself from dousing that, I soaked the seat of the computer chair. Then I jerked the phone clean out of the wall and proceeded to forget the receiver. I was gonna take the microwave but it wouldn't fit in the back seat. I left the deep freeze and the front door wide open and jetted; shaking in adrenaline fury.

I had gone off the deep end and I knew it.

Then I went back to church and shook there in my favorite parking spot... for like two hours.

And I calmed down. And God showed me what I needed to see.

Total Ouch Hallelujah time! My behavior in the relationship and his behavior in the relationship and what I need to do now and how the only thing he could do to get me to back off was get married. I saw everything. I saw my three big hideous ugly behaviors that I have to work on. I saw the root causes of all my current problems.

I got it... and it healed me.

And I'm over it. And happy going forward. And happy for them. It was the frying pan to the skull that I absolutely needed to get off my dead slug ass and live.

So am I still broke, and jobless, and homeless. Yes, yes I am.  But I'm happy and looking forward and fixing it all one task, one day at a time.

And happy makes all the difference in the world.

Share

Rollin Me Down the Highway

Image via WikipediaGod, where did I go?

I used to be fearless.

I crossed state lines last night and have found myself this morning in Duson, Louisiana. Farther East on I-10 than I ever went before...and quaking in my Keds the whole way.

I pray constantly that  God has me even though I'm not really feeling it. Trusting in God and having faith, or lunatic with a brain tumor?

I don't know yet.  So far, I'm still willing to go with the brain tumor theory.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss Texas.

I miss driving with X-2 and feeling confident that we'd get anywhere we wanted cause he was driving.

I detest not having a destination or a home to return to.

Freedom isn't always what it's cracked up to be.

Sometimes it's just scary and lonely.

*sigh*

So barring a miracle, or possibly because of one, I will head on down the highway some more when I check out. Following I-10 E farther, mainly because I don't have any better ideas.

Prayers would be great.

Dear God,

Please send money and courage. Preferably in that order.

Amen

Share

Time to Move On... Kinda

Image via WikipediaI swear, that I understand that, I look crazy.

God is not telling me to re-up my room again.

No. God is telling me to give almost half my money to Darrell. I'm supposed to put the amount HE told me to in his bank account and then go over there today and give him my bank card for good. Get this, I also have to get my not-exactly-cheap Prilosec and my son a backpack.

This better be one hell of a bounty coming.

It is, and this I know even if my flesh is trying to scream, "what, What, WHAT?!?" Sheila Broflovski style.

It's a test.

I was never a tither. Can't lie. But whenever I have had money in my life, I tried to be good to those around me. That has always been my tithe.

So, without a set place to call my sleeping space tonight, I will do as I am told. Give what I must to be faithful to God.

And tomorrow, I will, with these people that I'm about to leave, give thanks; to all that we did, to all that we were, and to all we're going to be separately.

And I am thankful, because everything brought me here. To this incredibly good, even if a little scary, journey of fully walking with God. In every aspect of my life.

Time to go out into the deep so I may receive my larger haul.  Whenever God says I'm ready for it, I will receive. Yes, I will.

So a happy and bountiful Thanksgiving to you and your family.  Thanks for reading~ stay tuned.

Share

And That Was That

Image by ken mccown via FlickrWhatabunchaDRAMA.

But hey, what's a breakup without some drama?

Every major break-up has to have some drama.

Ours started about 48 hours ago.

I came back to the house and could not stop myself from spouting some hard truths. When I was with my first ex, I called it Will-Tourette's cause I could not stop spouting at that man. Nor this one apparently, on that night anyway.

I may need to work on that.

Anyway, he did not handle those truths well, and by yesterday morning, when I said, "Good Morning" *big smile actually feeling pretty happy* he went kazoo.

Threats, and angry epithets from one end being met with nothing but blessings and requests of friends to pray for his angry-tornado-headed-self. And you can believe it, cause I saved the texts... just in case.  lol  Been through the ex that goes off the rails bit before.

Anyway, I have moved out...and life is beautiful. My living quarters have definitely been upgraded. 

I am officially in transition between that existence and the life that is to come.

My dear readers, I have stepped into my future.

It's bright, beautiful, and blessed.

Share

Alone Again, Naturally

Image by melilab via FlickrFor those of you who have managed to resist the temptation of facebook, I'll catch you up to speed.



I'm single~ish.

Let me clarify so as not to confuse my long-time readers.

I'm married, still, by some cosmic joke to the person I have always referred to here as ex-hubby.


I never married, because bigamy just isn't attractive, the man that I have always referred to here as Hubby.


Make sense?  I didn't think so... but I'll move on anyway.


Hubby, the man that I moved to Texas for, and the father of my son is no longer Hubby (he's now X-2)... we have decided to call it quits... for real, and for good.


I see myself as Colin Firth in Love Actually, when he winds up in France for his annual writing get-away alone after leaving his cheating ho of a girlfriend.


Hubby didn't cheat on me, but I connect with Colin's delivery of the line (and title of this post) much more than Eric Carmen's wailing of this line from his song by the same title.


And now that I've managed to, despite being completely sober, write as confusingly as if I were stoned to the bejesus belt, I shall continue...


This is actually good news for you, my dear readers.


No longer must I edit out what is going on in my previously boring life because someone doesn't want to get phone calls from his friends asking him pointed questions about something I've written.


Gotta tell ya, as a stay-at-home 'wife' and mother, that puts a HUGE crimp in what I can write about.


But those days are gone... so, beware, be warned, strap-in... I'll be writing uncensored from now on.


And I'm also getting a new look, because the header was a sunset taken from the front yard of X-2's house and obviously, that will cease to be my view sometime after Thanksgiving, since I haven't moved yet.


Therefore, without further ado, this is my notice to you, my readers: Aria'z Ink is about to change...a lot... for the better.


Blessings!

Share