Is It Too Late To Turn In My Homework Mr. Done?

I have just finished a fantastic book, called Close Encounters of the Third Grade Kind by Philip Done (pronounced like phone).

I was sent this book several weeks ago with the agreement that I would do a review. Normally, I'd have finished it in a day, because it was funny and smart and had heart, in other words, a great and easy read. Then my personal life went a little sideways and it took me over three weeks to read it, which was ALL ME and nothing to do with the book.

Being that it was written by a veteran teacher, I need to find out if I'm going to fail for not turning in my assignment in a timely manner. I should. I can't do this wonderful tome to 'teacherhood' (Mr. Done's word) justice.

First of all, the chapters are short. For any parent, this is a huge bonus, especially if, like me, you like to stop reading at the end of a chapter and have a toddler running around. It also made it easy to find my place again when my son repeatedly removed my bookmark.

There were passages so humorous that I insisted on reading them aloud to my husband. There were observations on the behavior of 8 year olds that brought me back to both my own experiences and that of watching my daughter's school existence at that age. There was a chapter on one student named Michael that I dare anyone to read without tearing up.

Philip Done loves teaching and children in a genuine and unabashed way. His honesty while describing his own embarrassing moments is refreshing and humanizing. You are with him during the telling of these tales as opposed to watching from afar. You can tell he is able to draw his students in as naturally as he does us, the readers.

It touched me in ways that few books are able; in my nostalgia zone. The smiles spread across my face often during reading.

Philip Done is the kind of teacher that kids want to get and that parents pray their children will get to spend a year with. Although he never really 'toots his own horn' so to speak, his gift for teaching is obvious with each passing page.

You will not be disappointed in spending your time in the pages of this book. I dare say, you'll be quite glad you did. Personally, I found it unforgettable. Things I know will creep up on me in a few years as my own son hits third grade running, and most likely acting very much like Mr. Done's student Trevor.

Whether you're a parent or a long ago student, don't miss this terrific book.

You can thank me later. ;-)

If Mama Blog Tour '09 and Giveaway

Lucy Adams was nice enough to stop by with an excerpt from her new book, If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny. Lucy also sent me a copy of my own, and I have to say, Mama Is Laughing!



The Mama-Lucy also has an Aria'z Birthday Giftie for y'all... You can win an "If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny" baseball cap simply by leaving a comment on this here post...

but in the spirit of making mama's laugh~ and since this is my birthday... the funniest comment related to Lucy's book excerpt will win the cap! Enter as many times as you like, entries accepted until 11:59 CST Thursday, March 12, winning comment will be announced on Friday the 13th (ominous music) Make me laugh y'all ~ and enjoy a bit of Lucy's book, If Mama Don't Laugh, It Ain't Funny. To keep your laughter going, click any one of the links above to order your copy today... because Mama's NEED more than air deserve some laughter~ Enjoy and good luck!!!

What Did You Say?

A serious speech impediment causes me to demand for my children to repeat shocking words they’ve uttered, usually under their breath, so that I might verify that they said what I think they said. Then I rebuke them for repeating such abominations.

My friend Charlotte discovered she suffers the same affliction when her six year old exited the bathroom without flushing the toilet. She promptly insisted her son return to pull the handle. As he left the restroom, for the second time, he said “BLEEP.” (Due to the distasteful nature of the word he actually spoke, I cannot render it, or any assimilation of it, in print. Therefore, all mention of it shall be bleeped.)

“What did you say,” his mother asked, stopping him in his tracks.

“BLEEP.”

“What did you say,” she repeated.

Again he said, matter-of-factly, “BLEEP.”

Not believing her ears, she once more asked, sternly, emphasizing each individual word, hoping, I suppose, it would give him time to change his story, “What did you say?”

“BLEEP. You know, it rhymes with bucket.”

And, as every mother does, she wanted to know, this instant, where he heard such a word. “I made it up. Bucket, cucket, ducket, F . . .”

“Well, you made up a very bad word! Never say it again! Never, never, never!”

As you might imagine, on the one hand, the child felt befuddled about rhyming words, and curious as to how he hit upon one that so deeply disturbed his mother. On the other hand, however, he understood the value of the information he had just obtained, and perfunctorily made a mental note of probable future dividends. Perhaps, he mused, he would dabble in the illicit world of rhyming words again, once the ruckus over his current exploits diminished.

A couple of weeks later, the incident forgotten all together, my friend, while car-pooling her gaggle about town, happened to overhear a conversation about the ‘S’ word. One child explained to another that it means shut-up.Then the 6 year-old piped up, saying, “Yeah, but Mama says we can never say the ‘F’ word.”

“The ‘F’ Word,” she yelped, in soprano. “What’s the ‘F’ word?”

“You said not to say it,” he protested.

“No, tell me.” She made it clear he had no choice.

“BLEEP?”

“I told you not to say that word! Don’t ever say that word! It’s a terrible, awful word.”

It’s tough being six. And it only got harsher for our small friend.

“Have you said that word to anyone at school,” inquired his mother, looking in the rearview mirror. His little mouth puckered into an “O,” probably to mumble the “Oh, no” word. “Tell me the truth,” she warned. Based upon previous experience, he knew this had to be a trick. But his indecision betrayed him. “You have said it to someone at school, haven’t you? Who?”

“Cody,” he offered, weakly.

“Why would you say the ‘F’ word to Cody?”

“We were talking about bad words at recess, and we knew all the same old ones. So, I told him BLEEP. And that BLEEP rhymes with bucket, but I don’t really know if all the words that rhyme with bucket are bad, or just BLEEP.”

I know you can now sense this child’s confusion, compounded by another round of, “I told you not to say that word.” But I bet, like me, you can also visualize the cogs in his brain turning, as he said to himself, quietly, “Bit, dit, fit . ..”

Fortunately for him, that one will probably take a little longer to sort out.

Excerpted from If Mama Don’t Laugh, It Ain’t Funny (Palm Tree Press), by Lucy Adams. Reprinted here by permission of the author.

Getting Ready, Winners and a Wisenheimer Apology

Happy Monday, Y'all! I'm over here running around like a chicken with my head cut-off getting everything ready for my Girl's arrival tomorrow... We're both SOOOOO excited.

I (with hubby's help~ OK, a LOT of hubby's help) got the back room cleaned out, so working on the computer this morning is a whole new ball of wax... I'm in a clean room with actual walking room AND I got some Thomas Kinkade pics up from last year's calendar. The transformation is remarkable! I might manage to be upbeat, with a possibility of funny, since I'm no longer being overwhelmed from looking at all the depressing clutter, most of which was stacked on the bed and covered up the windows so it was always dark in here too (my smile was getting more buried than the bed!). Getting this room cleared out was as much of a birthday present as having my Girl here!

I hope you enjoyed the new Friday feature LMFAO Friday... This Friday will be a double post, both the LMFAO Friday feature and the If Mama blog tour will be here ~ along with the If Mama giveaway... So big doin's ~ aside from the Aria'z Birthday National Holiday... lol lol my ass, I'm totally serious

And today's Real Big News is the announcement of the winners of the last two giveaways...

The EcoStore Giveaway was picked this past Friday morning ~ Congratulations Tricia at 1stopmom! Thanks for entering! For those of you unfamiliar with 1stopmom are any of you still out there? Tricia has just reworked her template and her site looks even more fantastic than it did before ~ it's also easier to navigate and has changed to post previews on the main page so that you can be picky and choosy about which ones you read through (you need to read 'em all!!!). And how's this for too cool, there's a new games section so you can get a little play in your day. Tricia also does giveaways and reviews on her site, and she's much more experienced in such things than myself. So, y'all need, not want, NEED to click any one of the links here and go visit 1stopmom for a great time!

Also, this morning, the 100th Post giveaway for 693 Entrecard credits and a featured listing was drawn ~ again at Random.org... And the winner is (after non-Entrecard members at the time of the drawing were removed...) Joan at The Retirement Chronicles ~ Congratulations! I find this a nice full circle. See, Tricia at 1stopmom has offered me more help and advice and encouragement than I can fit in one post... and Joan at The Retirement Chronicles asked me for help and advice when she was just starting... so I know y'all can see the flow to this whole thing too, right? The Retired One has just returned home from a road-trip to Florida and she took amazing pics of the journey and I am totally moving to Savannah once the check clears from my Mega Million Jackpot winnings (I've decided the Universe needs to make me the single ticket winner for my birthday!)

And lastly, before I leave you for today, so I can do the other 42 things on my list which will totally have to wait cause all my following like a junkie blogs have been updated this am ~ I have to thank my sister, K ~ aka Chicky ~ for turning me on to failblog where I get the pics for LMFAO Friday. She turned me on to it, and I completely dissed her in the inspiration mention I totally fucked up royal! I wonder if they have a ring tone for lousy, thoughtless, inconsiderate, ungrateful sisters...? May just have to stick with the one I've got... which, even in this instance, is completely apropos... Yeah, I'll call myself out on this one ~ Sorry K! ~ And I totally won't rub in the fact that she's still working in 'Pigstank' where it's snowing, cause it's in the Northeast and everybody there is looking at their snow-shovels like long lost lovers IE: a mix of relief at their being there, and loathing that you need them... whereas, I'm in sunshiney-gonna-be-nearly-60-here-today weather... I love ya sis! ducking from shoe or a tool of some sort being hurled at my skull

One Hundred (aka Damn It's Early, and Oh Hey, Have A Giveaway Too)

First of all, can I just say... 5 am is Really Friggin' Early! But y'all know we do what we have to in today's economy to keep our jobs... So let me start this post by saying Thank You hubby for busting one out every day for our family; so I can stay home with our munchkin and expand my Blogger Butt ~ even when it means a day like today which included leaving the house at 4:30am, driving 90 minutes to wait in line for over an hour in order to get a certification that you don't want because having it will mean future workplace headaches that you don't need. Thank You hubby, I love you.

So yeah, 5 am is early... not as early as 4 am, when I got up to make hubby's lunch so he could survive his brutally long day, even though the munchkin refused sleep till after midnight troll baby thanks kid ~ I'll definitely be napping sometime today, you know, while hubby is required to think and drive 90 minutes (which by then will be 2 hours) to get home... so don't cry for me Argentina that I got up at 4 am while hubby hit the snooze button ~ he got an extra 15 minutes... I'll put on a Disney with FastPlay (the bone Disney throws parents for melting every last intelligent synapse out of their skulls) and get at least 3 hours worth of nap time later.

So, in my she-looks-like-she's-watching-TV-but-in-reality-her-brain-is-going-5 million-miles-per-minute-and-is-as-far-from-what-appears-to-be-going-on-as-it-gets, I was thinking sometime last night... after the Obama speech and before I got the munchkin to pass out sometime around midnight~ish... how I was going to handle this, my 100th post...

Do I just embed the CNN/YouTube feed of Obama's speech with the phrase, "I have nothing left to say" under it? Do I re-post my first-ever-post, White Trash Woman? cop out Or a couple of the early gems like Parenting Craziness, and Stereo Junkie, and One Piece of Me? triple cop out plus too long Or do I give you some explanation of how the category On A Pale Horse came to be named after a Piers Anthony book of the same name? boring Do I post a picture of my computer area so that y'all can marvel at how I manage to bang one out a few times a week in this cluttered little corner? far too much work for pre-coffee pre-6am Do I pull an Academy Awards moment and get 5 more well known bloggers to write a mini blurb about how great my blog is so I can post it here in hopes of impressing y'all? far too late in the game and too early in the morning to have a snowball's chance in Hell of managing to pull this off. Note To Self: don't do crack before blogging. Note To Self: always ingest your body weight in caffeine before posting

Or, do I simply refill the coffee bowl, sit down in front of my beloved 'Puter and try to come up with something that will make you blog stalk me laugh your ass off, or think about the world and your role in it, or have a debate with yourself as to whether you want to get involved enough to call the little green men with strait jackets to come and take me away ASAP...

Obviously, the coffee-bowl-bang-one-out method was all I could manage to do that didn't require any real work or seem so lame, even to me at 5am, that I'd loose followers was what I chose after careful consideration. I mean, looking at the blog-roll, it seems that practically every other blogger was typing away during Obama's speech and I'm a day-late-and-a-dollar-short-dumbass for taking this long to post. But, this is simply my way... I didn't start watching Seinfeld till it hit syndication and Sex and the City was 3 years old before I joined the orgasm party.

Speaking of orgasm, I got an email this morning asking me to do a product review on a penis ring. Yeeeeaaaaahhhh... ummm, hubby is a good sport about the blogging and all, but pretty sure he'd scoff at having to be party to the research needed to do that product review... not to mention the 'WTF have you been writing about?!?!?' quiz that would happen since he'd want to know why the hell someone would ask me to do a penis ring review on what's supposed to be a harmless little blog. even if I'm more twisted than a corkscrew but I spare y'all from having to witness that level of fruit loop And what the hell types of blogs have I been reading?!?!? I mean, I could totally show him Jen's new layout on Cheaper than Therapy, or Brittany's total overhaul/move to WP on Barefoot Foodie (both of which look fan-friggin-tastic and are giving me a whole new case of blog-envy even if Brittany's post just totally reminded me that it was lent, and the only thing I have to give up is my thinly-veiled-facade of normalcy)... but if he sees the Bloggess, I may wind up without internet access getting the hairy eyeball and a three hour discussion about intentionally taking shit into my brain that's more twisted than politics.

But before that happens, I have a giveaway ~ a MINI giveaway ~ for y'all to celebrate my banging out hubby so I can stay home and blog 100 posts...

One entry per person ~ follow me here or on twitter (see left sidebar) and comment for entry in order to win 693 Entrecard credits, (why 693? ~ you mean aside from the fact that 369 was too few, and 936 was too many?) and a featured listing on this blog from Saturday, March 14th thru Tuesday, March 31st. And by featured, I mean right up top, above the new Yahoo Chat in the wide top section of the right sidebar; link will be text or banner, winner's choice. And if you're feeling left out cause you don't have Entrecard, join, it's free.

And, a reminder ~ you can still enter the EcoStore giveaway until 8am CST Friday 2/27...

And last but most certainly not least ~ Thank YOU for reading!!! Without y'all I'd be like one of those people on the street that talks to themselves and laughs out loud at what they are saying, startling everyone even remotely close to them... but you know, on paper (OK screen, whatever, I'd still be writing to no one and cackling to myself in the back room, which would be very, very scary.)

ps. Giveaway winners will be chosen at random from comments on Monday, March 2nd and announced the same day... told ya it was friggin' early!

pps. If you already follow me in either twitter or here, just leave a comment, I'll get it when I put my brain back in, and it will totally count.

Eco Store Product Review and Giveaway

A few weeks ago, I got a wonderful email from a lady named Megan asking me to do a review for Eco Store products. They're branching out to the United States after making products in New Zealand for 20 years. Eco Store makes plant based, non-toxic Household Cleaning,Baby and Personal Care products that have 'No Nasty* Chemicals'. The asterisk made me go, "Hmmm, wonder what the asterisk means." But that mystery flew out of my head as I headed over to both the Eco Store US website and the Eco Store NZ website to check them out and see if I'd be interested. I chose to sample some of the shampoo and conditioner, emailed Megan back and went back to my day-to-day existence.

So, this Monday morning as I'm doing dishes, I'm a little surprised to see FedEx roll into my driveway. Cause, ya know, with the weekend house-wreck along with Giselle once again melting my mind into a puddle, I had forgotten that Megan was sending products for me to try out.





The first thing I noticed when I opened the box was the glorious lemon smell that perked up my whole kitchen. I couldn't have made it smell better in there if I'd made homemade lemonade (which I totally don't do. ever.). I was a little disappointed that the soap that smelled so fantastic was not for me, but for the giveaway... So it goes without saying that I was absolutely chomping at the bit to try out the Aloe Shampoo and Conditioner that I'd be reviewing. And I wanted to give it a full workout/tryout so I finished my housework in double time to work up some serious need of a great shampoo...

The second thing I noticed; when I finished said housework and inspected the containers, was that there were expiration dates on the products! I've never had an expiration date on my shampoo and conditioner before ~ and I used to work in a beauty supply store, I've used manyManyMANY professional-expensive-up line products. That alone made me think, 'all natural'.

With my products in hand, I finally was able to find out what 'No Nasty* Chemicals' meant. The whole asterisk mystery had re-emerged in my mind, and the answer was all laid out for me on the back of the Eco Store products. * NO toxic petro chemicals. * NO animal fats or tallow. * NO synthetic dyes. * NO sodium lauryl sulphate. * NO propylene glycol. This is the answer for the Lemongrass Soap. But on the Aloe Vera Shampoo and Conditioner there are more No's... * NO DEA. * NO sodium or amonium sulfates. * NO parabens. * NO artificial perfumes. * NO cocamidecocomidopropyl betaine. And you know I took that off the bottles cause I have no idea what some of that stuff is, never mind how to spell it!

What was universal about the listings on the products were No Animal Testing and GE Free and 2002 Green Ribbon Award from the NZ Ministry for the Environment. So now I'm thinking that they should send Al Gore a box of this stuff, cause he'd love it. And I was about to find out if I did too.

So I hop into the shower and put my Asterisk NO, New Zealand made, expiration date having Eco Store products to the test. The shampoo smelled fantastic. Fresh and slightly sweet, but not like I'd been beaten about the face by a florist. Ladies, your man will not complain about smelling girly if he uses this shampoo (if you let him!). One lather and I was clean from scalp to ends despite my vigorous housecleaning. Normally after a housewife-workout like that, I'd need to double wash. So things were looking great for the shampoo.

Then I tried the conditioner. Again with the fresh natural, yet non-girly-frou-frou smell. And then I go to apply it, and it doesn't feel quite right. It didn't' seem to cover my hair like I was used to, so I used more, and covered my whole head. I need to explain this part, cause normally, I do NOT use conditioner on my bangs. If I do, I tend to look greasy within 24 hours, but this was a product review, and I wanted to try it out all the way. I left it on about two minutes (label says 1-3 mins) and rinsed. As I'm rinsing, my hair felt (to me) waxy, and I'm starting to get worried that I'm gonna have one hell of a comb-out and how am I going to write a bad review, cause this is my first one and I don't know the protocol for a bad review. I finish my shower and step out with a heavy heart.

Until the comb out ~ OMG it was the smoothest comb out EVER. People, again with the beauty supply house, I have spent over $40 for an 8 oz bottle of conditioner before, and I have NEVER had a comb-out this easy. And when my hair had dried, it was super soft and very shiny. Awesome! Next time around, I reduced my conditioner amount, and still got fantastic results. Turns out, what I thought was 'waxy' is actually what hair really feels like when it's not coated in chemical crap.

Then, Just For You, my dear readers, I went all scientific. I wanted to see just how long it would take for my hair to look like I needed to wash it. ~ A brief diversion here, God Bless Hubby for still letting me sleep in the bed and continuing to sit next to me during this testing! ~ Well, y'all I can't give you a full answer to my scientific question. After 62 hours, I could stand myself No More and HAD to end the experiment with a longLongLONG super-scrub shower. But, my hair still didn't look bad, (honestly, if I didn't reek, I could have gone grocery shopping without tripping on my hair looking unwashed-nasty) and it only took one lather to come completely clean yet again.

I am in love with Eco Store products! The US website is new, but the NZ website has been around for a while so check them both out... and seriously y'all I'm never going back to store-brand shampoo and conditioner again. This way, I know my hair will look fantastic even if the well pump goes out and I can't wash it for a couple of days.

And now, y'all, I have an absolutely amazing-smelling Lemongrass Soap from Eco Store to give away for one of you luckyLuckyLUCKY readers... It's sitting in front of the shampoo and conditioner in the picture above. You will also win a featured link on Aria'z Ink as either a button or text link (winner's choice) from Monday, March 2nd to Friday, March 13th 2009.

Contest rules and such are: ALL comments MUST contain contact email information in case it is chosen as the winner.

To enter:

1. Follow Aria'z Ink and leave a comment on this post telling me that you are following. If you already follow me, just leave a comment. Anonymous followers will not be eligible.

2. Tweet about this contest and come leave a comment with your twitter address or the URL to the tweet (worth one additional entry per tweet, so comment once for each tweet).

3. Add an Aria'z Ink button to your sidebar and leave TWO comments to tell me you have done so (worth two additional entries, so comment twice).

4. Blog about this contest including links to Eco Store USA, Eco Store NZ, and Aria'z Ink and leave me THREE comments with the link (one blog post is worth three entries, so comment three times).

Contest winners will be chosen at random from the received valid comments, by their comment number. Only valid comments will be entered. Contest entries will be accepted until 8 am Central Standard Time, Friday, February 27th. The winner will be emailed on Friday, February 27th, and must respond to notification email by 8 am CST Monday, March 2nd or an alternate winner will be chosen. Winner will be announced on Monday, March 2nd. Featured link will be posted from Monday, March 2nd through Friday, March 13, 2009.

Good Luck Y'all!